Posts

Born in the what?!...A Birth Story

Image
After having three previous deliveries, everything went so different this time around. Our daughter was born on a Wednesday. Two days prior, I had thought I was going into labor. I had experienced small, yet consistent, contractions. So, that evening I quickly began packing my bag only to realize it was a false alarm. However, the false alarm prepared me for when the real contractions came! It was 12:45 am on Wednesday. I awoke to quickly discover my water had broken. It was just a slow small trickle. Later, I learned this happens sometimes if the bag breaks toward the top. I had never experienced this in my other three pregnancies. I came to find out later, that this labor and delivery proved to be a very new experience for me in many ways. After tending to the mess, I quickly sent a message to my doula, my parents, and called the birth center to report the update. I was told to call back when labor started and if it didn't start by morning, they wanted to perform a "stress t...

Preparing for a Peace-Filled & Relaxed Birth

Image
 My baby is now 9 months old. She is learning to crawl, standing up, and has grown two teeth. Finally, I am getting back to the post I started writing when I was 35 weeks pregnant. It's still worth posting. Someone needs to be encouraged. I think us mama's and mama's to be, need all the encouragement we can get. For, the job of Mom is very difficult, and yet, is of the upmost importance. April 2024 As I sit here and write this, I am currently about 35 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. My mind and body have been pre-occupied with the upcoming change and new life that will soon enter my arms, our family, and the world. Even after having three pregnancies, labors, and deliveries my mind is just as vulnerable to the unsettling feeling of the unknown that labor and delivery can be. If I am not careful it can be easy to rehearse all the discomfort and the pain that was a part of my previous experiences and play them in my mind thus, producing fear and uncertainty. Recently, I a...

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy are mad...what about God?

Image
 "To be honest if I were to come face to face with God, I would want to hide from Him", she confessed to me one December day. I could sense the regretful tone in her voice as she admitted this truth. In light of the holiday season, I was reminded of my kids' favorite holiday song as of late, "I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas" by Relient K. The punk rock version of this song frequently fills the sound of our home, and the catchy chorus fills my little boys' lungs and lips as they sing the words, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas Mommy and Daddy are mad I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad In her moment of confession, it occurred to me, that this song reflects how a lot of people think of God. In many imaginations, God is a distant figure in the sky with strategically placed elves on shelves all over the world. His all-consuming interest being our behavior, good or bad. Bad behavior make...

Anti-Anxiety Worship Song List

Image
Before I became a therapist I studied worship arts in college, and for a time became a vocational worship leader. Since then, I have continued to lead worship and write songs. It's interesting how the two roles intertwine so well when it comes to helping others achieve spiritual, emotional, and mental health. As a therapist I have learned how cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and mindfulness are both common interventions within psychotherapy to help clients overcome mental health symptoms. These interventions work by training a person how to challenge negative thought patterns and feelings with positive ones which then elicit positive feelings and behaviors. Meditation and gratitude exercises are examples of evidence based interventions proven to help overcome mental health symptoms.  This is where music can be a powerful resource to help overcome symptoms such as anxiety. Through repetition, it touches both our minds and our emotions at the same time. When a person engages with ...

Prayer Bingo in Practice using Imaginitive Prayer

Image
My 6 and 8 year old were motivated to rush through their "prayer bingo" with the sole motivation to get a prize at church. However, they were missing the point of the exercise. Me: "Why do you think your teacher wants you to do prayer bingo? Is it just so you can get a prize?" E: "I don't know." Me: "Your teacher wants you to learn how to pray. And if you rush through it you won't learn how to pray." E: "We already know how to pray." Me: "Prayer is something we can always learn to do better. Let's try something. Close your eyes and imagine something Minecraft. Tell me exactly what you see and all the colors." E: "I see lots of wardens chasing a guy." Me: "What colors do you see?" E: "The wardens are blue and black and the guy is tan with brownish blackish hair." Me: "Okay now keep your eyes closed, and think of a pastor at church. Describe what they look like." E: "I see...

Reflections for Advent: In the Waiting

Image
As I sat down to read my Bible and review my prayers, I was reminded of a tear filled conversation where my heart was longing to see restoration. The advice given to me was to wait and trust God with the situation. I was encouraged to trust that He was working. I was reminded that He longs for restoration more than I myself am longing for it. Not long after I had another tear-filled moment, where I felt angry with God for not being with me, like in person. I realize this may sound strange, and there may be extra emotions due to my pregnant hormones raging. Nevertheless, I was longing to be with my Savior, the one to whom I have devoted my life, in the flesh . Is it too much to ask for him to visit? Maybe go out for lunch or how about tea time? I mean why not visit earth more often than one short 30 year lifespan? "If you really loved me",  I thought. As I write this, it's six days until Christmas. It's the season of advent when we are reflect on how long many people ...

A Gift Midst Suffering

Image
Through tears I shared with my ministry team how God mustn't delight in our suffering.  I had in mind someone close to me who is experiencing much pain. It caused me to wonder again how God can bring anything good from this kind of suffering. Later the next evening, as I was rushing from store to store preparing for my son's birthday celebration I reflected on the day. How it was filled with lost and popped balloons, tears, fighting, resisting the car seat, resisting holding my hand in the street, whining, begging, disobedience, a bump on the head that turned into the size of a small egg, and another head injury that broke some skin...few things seemed to go right. And yet here I was buying presents, buying treats, and decorations, buying new balloons to replace the one that got popped and the one one that flew past the broken ceiling tiles at the $ store. Working on behalf of my dear ones who were asleep. I felt God speak to me that night. "That is Me", He said. ...